What to Do When Someone You Love Isn't Safe at Home

Finding out that someone you care about isn't safe at home is frightening, and it's common to freeze up or not know what to say. You don't need to have the perfect words, and you don't need to fix everything in one conversation. What matters most is that they feel believed and unjudged, and that they know real support exists when they're ready for it.

Start by listening, not fixing

Resist the urge to immediately tell them what to do, especially "just leave." Leaving a violent relationship is often the most dangerous point in the whole relationship, and it usually takes planning, timing, and support to do safely. Instead, let them talk, believe what they tell you, and avoid questions that can sound like blame, such as asking why they stayed or what they did to provoke it.

"I believe you" and "this isn't your fault" are two of the most powerful sentences you can offer.

Let them keep control

Someone experiencing family or domestic violence has often had their choices taken away from them. Rebuilding a sense of control is part of their safety, so let them set the pace. Offer options rather than instructions: you could say "I can help you look into options when you're ready" rather than "you need to call the police."

Know where to point them

You don't have to be their only source of support, and you shouldn't try to be. In Australia, 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) is a confidential, 24/7 national counselling service for anyone impacted by domestic, family, or sexual violence. If they or their children are in immediate danger, call 000.

Our own get-help page walks through what reaching out to a support service actually looks like, without requiring anyone to share personal details up front. It's a good thing to sit down and look through together, or to send them privately if that feels safer.

Look after yourself too

Supporting someone through this can be heavy to carry. It's okay to also reach out to 1800RESPECT for guidance on how to support someone else well, and to lean on your own support network. You being steady and present, for as long as it takes, is one of the most valuable things you can offer.